Pain

On Friday, the moment we all feared arrived. We gathered by your bed; held your hands, looked at you and reassured you that everything would be alright when we all knew it was the final moment. I went close to you, I had so much to tell you but I was so overwhelmed by sorrows that I was lost for words. I watched you leave in front of my very eyes just like how grandma(paternal) and grandpa did, the pain was indescribable. I wanted to scream and shout for whoever not to take you away from me, but nothing came out of my mouth. I looked across the room and all I could see was pain and sorrow, I refused to believe that you were really gone. I sat by your side and whispered in your ears those words I didn't get to say earlier. When the doctor came and when he said ' she has passed away', I broke down. Those words pierced through my heart. Before they sealed the coffin I took a good look at you many times, for I fear that one day I would forget your face when I know I never will. I spent my entire childhood with you, I still remember that every morning we would exercise together, I would follow your actions. I love eating wolfberry and would frequently get it from the fridge and every time you catches me you would smile at me, you used to pat me to sleep, you dote on me and I was the apple of your eyes. When I got older I found out that whenever you bet on 4D you would always bet on ****, and I found out that those were the 4 numbers I gave you when I was really young. You used to cook tau suan, pig stomach soup and many more delicious food; and I always love it when you cooked but ever since you fell sick I never got to eat it anymore. When I grew older. we spent lesser time together and every time I visited you, you would hold my hands and I would hold your wrinkled and cold hands tightly and tell you I will visit soon, you would always tell me to study hard and come only when I am free. The previous time I went and I fed you cakes, you were too weak to say anything to me and before I left you held my hands; little did I knew we were left with that little time. We had such great times together, knowing that you are with grandpa in paradise is the only thing that's comforting now. You will always be in my heart, ah mah.

 Every year I lose someone, every Chinese New year has always been a festival that reminds me of the pain of losing someone I dearly loved. This year, I told myself it would be a year where everything would be better and different; never did I expect that it's another year of pain. When the clock struck 12 on Chinese New Year eve, there were no well wishes from each other, no smile; although there were sound from the television, but silence was deafening in the house. I watched my mum stared blankly into space and tears welled up in my eyes. Now Chinese New Year has a different meaning in my heart.